Tuesday, August 5, 2008

The Fall of the Internet

Remember the Internet? Right now, you might be saying to yourself, "Of course I do. I'm on it looking at these words." But I don't mean this thing we call the Internet. I mean the Internet of a bygone era, the Internet Al Gore created, the one used for communication and knowledge.

The Internet has become a shell of itself. Knowledge gathering is reduced to the highly convenient, but incredibly unreliable, Wikipedia. Communication has devolved into the high school politics of Myspace. Ask the majority of people who use the Internet what they use it for. Most will say downloading music or movies, email and porn.

So the Internet turned from a useful tool to a glorified TV. I will admit that it is convenient to have so much entertainment at my fingertips. I like to download music instead of going to a store and it is nice to stream videos of people being stupid on YouTube while I'm at work. But I feel that we've devalued the Internet and taken its possibilities for granted.

I think the thing that has devolved most of all are the wondrous communication tools: chat rooms, email, blogs, social networking sites and the like. Chat rooms quickly moved from the next evolution of the telephone to a device for sex and pedophiles. Email is now so pervasive that it is available on cell phones and has basically quit evolving. Blogs still have value in that they allow instant eyewitness updates of news, but most are used for what I am doing now — a daily bitch session. The social networking sites are convenient because it is one big cluster fuck of friends that can be stayed in contact with despite time and distance. It also allows for some sort of individuality. But it can also be exclusive and used for bullying. Plus, the sheer number of "friends" that use it for completely juvenile purposes as propaganda, sloganeering and motives for promoting themselves and their personal relationships (see users whose names are "I love ___") is idiotic.

Every once in a while, I'll see what the Internet could be. I can find a well put together site, get some research worthy sources for topics I'm interested in, download PDFs of recent medical and sociological studies or get breaking news from around the world seconds after it happens. It just makes me sad that I have to pilfer through a virtual swamp of refuse to get to it.

Sure, what I am typing now is only serving to further gum up the internal workings of this mystery that is cyberspace. But at least I am aware of it and that makes me feel better.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Rant on Suicide

I was in a Barnes and Noble with Jacob a couple weeks ago, perusing magazines and books when I saw a collections of essays about the philosophical implications of suicide. This intrigued me. Not enough to buy it, but it got my mind working.

I had to write a short paper about this topic in my college Philosophy class. Sadly, I don't have a copy because it was a written test. But I'm sure I can remember most of my points. I don't have much evidence to back up my point because I'm not a walking encyclopedia of philosophers, but I can validly argue my point.

Descartes reasoned that "I think, therefore I am." This seems to relate that intelligence and its pursuit makes existence worthwhile. This statement has provided the thesis behind all of philosophy. If possible, I would like to take another stance and say it has a different meaning.

It can be interpreted that Socrates meant the pure act of thought justified existence. However, it could be meant that without thought, existence is nullified (death). While an obvious statement, this famous observation and its most basic interpretation is important because it establishes a major question of philosophy: death.

Now, it is not a huge leap to begin questioning whether life is worth living (Nietzsche made a career of it). The act of taking one's own life is at the heart of this question. Thus, the question begs: does suicide defy all philosophical reason?

— The act of suicide is a force unlike any other, because it is total control, the ultimate escape plan. In a life where everything is dependent on something outside of the individual's control, including birth, death lies in the hands of the individual. This might be the only sense of control the individual has in their entire lifespan.

But at what cost is the control? Isn't it better to have a sense of control in life than to exert it? It can be argued that the point of being able to end life one's life ends the only level of existence. It destroys everything to gain nothing.

— If death lies in the hands of the individual, that extends to other individuals. However, self-contained death, such as suicide, can be argued as inert or finite. Taking one's own life is incredibly different than taking another person's life. There are less philosophical implications and ethical questions between suicide and murder (for the sake of the argument, I will not delve into murder or self-assisted suicide).

Whereas murder causes others to grieve, suicide can still cause grief among those closely associated with the individual. It is still removing a life, something that can be viewed as narcissistic, selfish and cowardly.

— The act of suicide ends all pain and suffering, both physical and emotional. Life is enjoyable if it can be lived to the fullest of an individual's potential and to the point that it gratifies the individual. If life can not do that because of reduced physical capacity (illness, injury, malformations) or psychological trauma (emotional problems, mental illness), then suicide is a way to end that suffering and give the individual peace.

This is the only way I can somewhat see a value in suicide. If life can not be enjoyed to the point that pain of some sort is felt daily and to which there is no escape, then suicide is reasonable. The only problem is that while severe physical and psychological trauma do make life difficult, many people have chosen to live with them because they see the value of living. While pain, in all its forms, can ruin a life, some see elements that make life worth living. There are elements of life that make it worth experiencing while fighting through pain. This means that suicide to end pain is merely subjective and not a just act.

This last sentence pretty much sums all that can be said for suicide and its place in philosophy. Suicide is an act and a subjective one at that. Only the individual can know what truly ails him, what his true desires are and if living is worth the continued struggle with outside forces.

Friday, August 1, 2008

D-I-V-O-R-C-E

One thing people have told me repeatedly over the past few months is that a divorce is the hardest thing you can go through. Hard is not the right word. There really isn't a word for it — it is the yin to the yang of how love does not adequately describe how you feel when you truly "love" someone.

Divorce is almost insurmountable. It is the Sisyphean task of the modern age. You feel better one day then something incredibly inert reminds you of why you're in this in the first place and next thing you know, you have to start all over again.

Still, it is as much a physical battle as it is emotional. When you've lived for something, for a purpose for years, it is hard to see a reason to make your muscles move. It is hard to drag yourself out of bed. It is difficult to do the things you did before because they remind you of that person, at first. It is hard to live. But you keep living because that's all you know how to do. Then you make your own way, just like you did before. But it is a long, slow climb back.

One thing I've learned in the past three months is that the cliche of "one day at a time" is very true. There are stages to go through. Because of how my marriage ended, I was lucky enough to get through the early stages very easily.

I take solace in my situation that, specifics aside, I was not at fault for this, my ex and I still care about each other and there was nothing I could do to avoid this (other than not getting married in the first place). It was also a very simple divorce of "take your stuff you brought in or bought for yourself and we'll divide the rest."

I still love her and I always will. The best scenario I can give is if I were to be told the end result of my relationship with her beforehand and given the chance to go through it or avoid it, I would chose to play out the next 2 and 1/2 years the same. Our wedding and honeymoon were probably the best experiences I've ever had, and these were just two experiences in a long line of subsequent good times that were largely devoid of bad ones.

Therefore, it was better to have loved and lost than never loved at all or the means justified the end.

While it was not messy and there were no children involved, Jesus the horror if the opposite were true. An amicable split has been hell on my psyche and body at times (I did indulge in various self-destructive activities). But I did learn some things. First, I am more resilient and mature than I gave myself credit for. Second, I found out who my true friends are. Third, I am a good guy and whoever lands me will be lucky.

The last statement might be presumptuous to say that there will be another person. It may also be cocky to say that I will make that person happy, but I know it to be true. I worked really hard at this past relationship and that's probably the main reason we hung on when it could have died long ago.

I do, however, want the next one to be clean. I have to fix myself first. The idea of a relationship seems repulsive. I have to work at my current condition, which has been the ability to shut down when dealing with serious emotions. I can't handle the reactions of others when it comes to grief or anger. It's very much like a switch I can flip where I feel no empathy or concern.

The only thing I have that keeps me going is I know, one day, I will get there.