New State Mottoes

We all know the 50 U.S. states have mottoes. Well, now they should have new, more appropriate ones. You're welcome Uncle Sam.

1. Alabama — Every state that has moved beyond integration step forward. Not so fast...
2. Alaska — Just within the real states' periphery.
3. Arizona — Nothing to offer since the Mexican War.
4. Arkansas — Where kinfolk are hot.
5. California — For homosexuality, we say, "You're welcome."
6. Colorado — How did we get to be a state again?
7. Connecticut — Where black people aren't allowed.
8. Delaware — Taking it like a bitch from Maryland since 1776.
9. Florida — Hell's waiting room.
10. Georgia — Where everybody has a southern accent. You know, the annoying one. No, I mean, the real annoying one. The one where our i's are y's. Yeah, that one.
11. Hawaii — The redheaded step child of the union.
12. Idaho — Potatoes? Who cares?
13. Illinois — At least we have Chicago.
14. Indiana — Providing inspiration to white basketball players everywhere.
15. Iowa — Where bestiality is not a crime, so much as frowned upon.
16. Kansas — Unassuming and insignificant since 1861.
17. Kentucky — We're that awkward kid who stands in the corner at the school dance.
18. Louisiana — Where, apparently, all political problems can be solved via a big 'ol pot of gumbo!
19. Maine — Oops, we almost forgot about you.
20. Maryland — At least we have a cool flag.
21. Massachusetts — America's ingrown toenail.
22. Michigan — Providing the country's stank.
23. Minnesota — We promise our bridges won't fail anymore.
24. Mississippi — Triing too empruve edyoucayshun cents the sivil whur.
25. Missouri — Arkansas' hat and Iowa's pants: you decide which is better.
26. Montana — The perfect place for a nuclear wasteland.
27. Nebraska — No one wants to live here. Maybe you will!
28. Nevada — Where a vacation turns into a career paying back that loan you took out to hit on 18 when you should have doubled down.
29. New Hampshire — Vermont's favorite spooning partner.
30. New Jersey — More sweatsuits and gold chains than you can shake a calzone at.
31. New Mexico — Should've stayed a part of "old" Mexico.
32. New York — At least we're not New Jersey.
33. North Carolina — Where the airplane was born. Thanks for 9/11, jerks.
34. North Dakota — FOR RENT
35. Ohio — We're a state too!
36. Oklahoma — More like Oklahomo.
37. Oregon — Meh.
38. Pennsylvania — Founded by Quakers, which is a whole lot better than Mormons.
39. Rhode Island — What a piss poor excuse for a state.
40. South Carolina — The home of racism since 1670.
41. South Dakota — Bring your own coat hanger.
42. Tennessee — The birthplace of country music. Sorry everyone.
43. Texas — The only state assholish enough to have a flag with one star.
44. Utah — Homeland of all those people who knock on your door and want to know if you've heard "The Good News."
45. Vermont — Where you'll wish you were part of Canada.
46. Virginia — At least we had that Confederacy thing going for us.
47. Washington — Hey! Get back in the corner where you belong. Silly state.
48. West Virginia — Wearing shoes since 1978.
49. Wisconsin — Where cows outnumber people 3 to 1.
50. Wyoming — Cowboys = Gay. Brokeback Mountain anyone?